Curt Doolittle updated his status.

(FB 1553102945 Timestamp)


by Benjamin Wood

I’ve experienced greater awareness of people negotiating in bad faith, consciously or otherwise.

One that immediately comes to mind is a person in my family who tends to frame their preferences in terms of universals: “Women don’t like it when you do X.” Or, “If you want people to put up with you, you can’t do Y.”

I don’t think it’s deliberate so much as a subconscious rhetorical attempt to add more weight to their preferences or put a buffer between them and potential rejection…if I shut them down, it’s not me shutting them down, it’s me shutting everyone down. I actually think it flows from insecurity / lack of agency.

I asked them to stop doing this and to put their preferences into more honest, testimonial language so that we could build a genuine relationship.

Not only did they grasp the request, they appear to feel more confident as they take ownership of their desires in dialogue.

Leave a Reply